Thursday, August 9, 2012

One Key to Stop Bankrupting Your Relationships

Money may not buy love, but fighting about it will bankrupt your relationship.   Michelle Singletary
Money touches every part of our lives from basic necessities to where we live to what job we have to what friends we keep. It isn’t so hard to see that we blame money for these same things!
Our relationship with money has everything to do with how we view our current reality. And our perception of our reality is reflected in the relationships we have with those around us, especially our loved ones.
Issues with money in relationships are the effect of something. They are the effect of your upbringing, your beliefs, your experiences and your choices.
Have you ever fought with your significant other about what you can or cannot afford?
Have you ever told your children or friends that you don’t have the money to do something you (or they) would love to do?
You are causing the conditions under which you are living. How we look at things and make decisions based on that view is the cause of the conditions that result.
I remember having a “discussion” about how my husband and I should use some unexpected income when our kids were younger. My husband wanted to use it to pay bills. I wanted to use it for something fun for the family, like an adventure or something that we had talked about and never acted upon.
I didn’t really care what we did with it; but when my husband began explaining his point of view, the feisty never-felt-heard child inside of me took over. I argued and criticized and blamed. He became the invisible child to avoid a conflict and shut down, gave up and gave in.
Only then did I realize that I had just created my reality. I had control over something I didn’t care about and I hurt our relationship. In order for me to get something out of the exchange, I fought for something for the sake of fighting and lost a measure of trust and respect from my husband.   And, I used money as my excuse!
What we expect and how we behave causes the results we experience in our lives. We are the cause of our own reality.
If your current reality is not everything you want it to be, would you benefit from learning and understanding this key to breaking out of your old money story? You can have what you truly want-all of it-and I can show you how!
If you want to improve your relationship with money, there’s no better time than NOW!  

Friday, August 3, 2012

Money Issues? What’s in Your Relationship …

We all have ideas or beliefs about money. More often, our beliefs about money were created from fear and we accept them as if they were the truth.

Issues around money have little to do with the concept of money.

That’s what I discovered when my husband and I got married. The comments about money we had each heard growing up were guiding our decisions and causing conflicts. After all, both of us can’t be “right” if our beliefs represent opposing views.

The comments, beliefs and ideas we are taught about money are based on a faulty understanding of what money actually is. By discovering the truth about money, you become more empowered in your relationship with it and all that it touches in your life.

Money issues are really just a lack of understanding based in fear and irresponsibility.

Three keys to breaking out of your money story: 

The first key to breaking out of your money story is to face your fears. Decisions made on the basis of “feeling safe or secure” in circumstances where your very life is not being threatened are made out of fear.

Fear indicates that you have power to reclaim from someone or something. The more we rely on something outside of ourselves to resolve what we believe to be money issues, the more fearful or powerless we feel.

I worked with a client who used to say, “I can’t leave this job now! What if I took a new job and got laid off? My partner would get angry.” When I asked her what she was afraid of, she admitted it wasn’t the money but that she was afraid of how changing jobs would change their relationship.

Here’s this client’s realization about claiming her power:

“It’s like owning our desires, honoring ourselves and not allowing what we think or we perceive to be overshadowed by others. It is owning who we are.”
The second key to breaking free from old money beliefs is to understand what caused your current reality. Issues with money in relationships are the effect of something. They are the effect of your upbringing, your beliefs, your experiences and your choices. The same is true for everyone you interact with.

A woman I worked with a few years ago was miserable at her job. Even though she did very well, she no longer loved what she was doing. She kept talking about leaving the job but grew up believing you must remain loyal to “the man who pays you”. But the longer she stayed in that position, the more pressure she felt.

Her daughter had health issues and began to require more constant care. Soon, my client was forced to choose between her daughter and her loyalty. Although her father had been faced with a similar decision and had opted to stay loyal to his employer, she chose her family. She embraced a new reality- one that is more inline with her values and not with her fears.
Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more. Tony Robbins
The third key to breaking out of your money story- the explanations, rationalizations and excuses you give to justify your stand on money issues- is to take responsibility for your role in causing the results you get.

 I spoke with an entrepreneur recently who explained that her current financial circumstances were caused by the failing economy. During our Discovery Conversation, she admitted that her fear kept her from taking the necessary steps to achieve better results.

She had been avoiding the activities which would create those desired results “because of the economy”. When she became more fearful of what would happen if she didn’t trust herself to make decisions based on fact and not fear,  she also discovered that if you don’t yet have what you want in your life, money or otherwise, it is your responsibility to cause it to occur.

Take responsibility for your results and you are back in control.  By bringing your power back into the thoughts you have and the decisions you make, you are claiming responsibility for the results you get.

        Your power to create something in your life is equal to the amount of responsibility you are willing to accept for the things that are in your life. David Neagle

Stayed Tuned for more about money....